“Oh, I love bed sheets that are too small/don’t fit/can’t be tucked in.”
~ No one, ever.
Can we just take a moment and discuss: What is the DEAL with bed sheets — really all bedding, including comforters and duvets, in fact all bed-covering-related sorts of items — that DON’T FIT?
Why? Why don’t they make them big enough/long enough/stretchy enough?
Fitted Bed Sheets
Let’s begin with the fitted sheets. You know the ones. The ones that you need to strrrrrretch with the agility of a ninja over that mother-flipping fourth corner. Then the sides of the sheet arc along the mattress, never quite tucking under properly. Not to mention that the powers-that-be strongly recommend having a mattress cover under the fitted sheet, so you know, bonus points if you can get the sheet to fit over that thing.
Next is the top sheet. Okay, I can’t possibly be the only person whose top sheet barely grazes the bottom of the mattress. I mean forget even trying to tuck it in. And even if you have an inch or two to spare, let’s face it, that itty bitty bit of fabric ain’t gonna stay put for long. That goes for length as well as width, by the way. Have you ever draped the top sheet on your bed only to find you can just barely get the bottom tucked under the foot of the mattress? I mean forget hospital corners, you need Krazy glue to keep those sheets from coming undone.
And if that weren’t enough, if you (or your spouse/partner/kid/dog) are the type to kick your sheets off in the middle of the night, those suckers come all untucked and end up migrating, in a big, bunched-up pile, somewhere around your chin. Am I right?
It’s possible the blanket situation is worse. Clearly some demon blanket designer somewhere decided that blankets were not meant to be tucked in but merely draped over the bed sheet. For what? For show? What fresh hell is this? I want my covers to STAY PUT while I sleep. If my husband tosses his half of the blanket aside, I do NOT want it creeping over to my side of the bed, threatening to spill over the side in a big, hot, sweaty jumble, taking me along with it!
Please. If you’re going to be all up in my grill about your Aquagel, Bio-soy, Tempur-pedic, ergonomically correct pillow, you best be ready with a pillow case that will fit. Because guess what? Standard pillow cases do not ‘one-size-fit-all’. Oh! And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention those anti-allergy pillow protectors which, of course, go under the pillow case. So. Y’know. FUN.
Comforters, Duvets and All Manner of Big Flooffy Bed Covers
Now, I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but Canadian winters can be a bit cool — some might say frigid. So it’s not uncommon that, aside from aesthetics, we like that extra layer of warmth at night. That being said — and much like the migrating bed sheets and blankets — what is the deal with the barely-covering-the-mattress dimensions? Obviously I’m not going to tuck in a duvet, however, if the sides are barely hanging over the edge of the bed, that cover is going to end up slip-sliding all over the friggin’ place, ending up in a big pile at the foot of the bed.
And as we do like a certain aesthetic, how is it possibly pleasing to the eye when you make your bed and sheets-that-don’t-tuck in are hanging down the sides and the comforter is not even wide enough to cover them! And — AND — the comforter doesn’t even come up all the way to the head of the bed at the risk of full-on mattress exposure at the foot of the bed, which, if you recall, is barely covered with the sheet and blanket.
A hot mess. A hot, ridiculous mess.
As you make your bed, so you must lie in it.
~ Daniel J. Boorstin
If this weren’t so damned ironic, I’d be inclined to agree.