From “That Day” to “This Day”: Grief finds a new forum

If you know me, I mean really know me, then you know I lost my mom. But you may not know, or remember, that it’s been fifteen years. Or that today, November 1st, is the day she passed away.

So, now you know.

My mom, Heather, and me c. 1976/77

My mom, Heather, and me in a passport photograph c. 1976/77

I can’t say that November 1st is “still such a hard day” or that I “can barely think straight for the grief” anymore. Not because I’m callous but because that’s life. It’s been fifteen years. That’s a very long time to be missing someone, even someone who took a piece of your soul when they went away. But November 1st will always be that day for me; whereas, for you, that day, may be another day entirely and for an entirely different reason. A run-of-the-mill day for everyone else that to you will never be regarded in quite the same way.

The thing of it is that I do miss my mother, regardless of time. I miss her every single day. I will always miss her. I can honestly say, even now, that not a single day goes by that I don’t think about her. I wish her to be here. I wish her to know my children. I wish her to be a part of our everyday and of our celebrations. But here’s the thing about wishes:

“If there’s a single lesson that life teaches us, it’s that wishing doesn’t make it so. ”
Lev Grossman, The Magicians

And though some may regard this sort of public remembrance as a blatant cry for sympathy, I assure you it is not. Words are my outlet and this is my forum. And that day happens to be what inspires me to write this day about a woman who deserves to be loved, remembered and respected always.

And then my husband, who, at best, updates his Facebook status twice a year, writes this:

“15 years ago the world lost an amazing woman; my father in law lost his wife, two men I consider brothers lost their mother as did my amazing wife. I want you all to know from me that she is never forgotten.”

So, though my grief has lessened year over year, it has also found a new forum. My love to my husband, for remembering with me, and to my father and brothers, who will always grieve alongside me, each in his own way, at his own pace.

About Erica

Erica writes with humour and heart about family, #fit40s and living life in the carpool lane. Part-time banker by day and Netflix-addicted-cake-decorator by night, Erica's in-between time is spent dreaming up ways to ruin her kids' lives. Obviously.
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  1. Sending you love and light.

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